Black sludge. Think about it. Imagine the darkest chocolate fudge pudding you can possibly think of. Now, add the element of “super sticky” to it. That is a baby’s diaper for the first few days. They might teach you the color to expect in a newborn class, but the stickiness is not something that is mentioned. You will wipe and wipe, and it won’t come off. When my wife wiped around the testicles, I freaked out. She was very rough with them. I asked enough doctors, and their answer was that Dylan wasn’t as sensitive as I thought down there.
If you have a boy, with strong legs, change his diapers with two people in the beginning. One person holds his legs and holds the penis cover (so you don’t get peed on). The penis is not currently big enough for the penis cover to sit perfectly still on top, so you’re just kind of holding it close. If you do nothing to protect yourself from pee, there is a great chance you will wipe your baby, prepare the new diaper, and then he’ll pee all over his clothes … because babies understand comedy.
The other person wipes, changes, and makes sure the penis is pointing down into the diaper instead of up toward his belly button. This way, the pee will actually go into the large part of the diaper. Open up the diaper fully (open up the ruffles) and put it underneath him before you remove the old diaper. Once the new diaper is on, make sure the ruffles are open around the legs, that way leakage doesn’t happen (as much).
After a few days, and his mother’s milk, the poop changes from black tar to a brown/green color. It looks like there might be bits of corn. From my wife the doctor, “Yellow, seedy, watery.” Getting hungry?
Once it’s the new color, use a diaper cream. You can’t put enough on.
After the first week, I managed to avoid getting pooped or peed on. My wife wasn’t so lucky.
After you’ve become an expert, or don’t care where the poop and pee end up, it can become a one-person job.