My boy’s been cut! And we did it on purpose.
Why? Because now he and I match, because my wife is a doctor and believes in what she’s read, and because we know a guy.
Once a co-worker of my wife’s found out she was pregnant with a boy, his next sentence was, “Can I do the circumcision?” He’s one of the best in the area.
Dylan was stripped down and strapped (legs and arms) to a little plastic thing that could be used in any action movie as the torture table. They forgot the sugar water solution that was would help him with the pain. So, I did what any caring father would do as his boy was about to lose part of his future favorite member … I put on a purple glove and put my index finger in my son’s mouth.
Side note … the sucking power of an infant’s mouth is insane. Guys, just once make sure you discover this (with a finger). Ladies, I don’t envie your nipples at all.
A needle went into the penis and my knees got weak. With the power of hindsight I realized I picked the wrong day to forget to eat breakfast. I stood strong, there for my boy, even if we were going home with only 99.8% of him.
After that, it was time for the gomco. It’s a circumcision clamp. Just look at the picture.
So, our doctor hooked this thing up. Took out a scalpel, and started cutting away. Most of the head was removed in one cut. After that, our doctor just went around, cleaning up. It reminded me of getting the last bits of fat of a chicken breast.
Oddly, bravely, Dylan didn’t cry. Hopefully this will be the last time someone seriously attacks that area, and if it is not, hopefully next time he will cry … because that is the proper respond for a boy and his penis.
After the circumcision, it’s about a week of putting on petroleum jelly around the head of the penis, and on the inside of the diaper where you assume it will rest. Why? So the slightly bloody, healing penis doesn’t stick to his diaper. I know. For a few days, it’s a bulbous red headed penis. There’s also the matter of pulling down the hood every so often, so it doesn’t adhere to parts it’s not supposed to adhere to.
If there is a God, he’s laughing at this, right? Imagine the first guy who tried to convince the village this was the way to God’s good side. What would be assume is if a doctor used the concept of God to get this pushed through thousands of years ago.