Random Thoughts of Fatherhood: Week 3

Random Thoughts: Week 3

  • I know Dylan is at his most content (with me, not the boob) when he is moaning with every breath like a drunk college kid hanging onto the toilet at 3 a.m. ready to vomit the poor decisions away from the previous hours.
  • Any noise he makes (like the ones I’m hearing now while he’s in the swing) have me on edge, because they could turn to cries any second, and Lisa’s magic boobs won’t be home for an hour.
  • Time crawls by, and speeds by at the same time. My friend Mike pointed out it probably crawls when Dylan is crying, and speeds by when he is not. That is correct.
  • Why doesn’t anyone talk about that amazing time when your 2.5-week-old infant will totally take a nap in the crib, while you crank good music, and furiously work on an assignment? That’s the best.
  • I finally want something! I need to get a beer opener on the wall. Opened a beer while holding a baby has proved quite difficult.
  • Babies (or perhaps only mine specifically) are not like dogs. They cannot be trained with the same thing working on them over and over. Right now, it seems that is a design flaw. I’ll keep you posted.
  • For the sake of my son’s future partners, I hope his “poop face” is not the same as his “sex face.” For my son’s sake, I hope that the only time I refer to his sex face.
  • Today, at 22 days, we are going to introduce the bottle, which will be the ultimate weapon in my bag of tricks versus Dylan “The Fussy” Bayer.
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