The Only Piece of Clothing for Your Infant

There can be only one. OK, that’s not true. There should be only one.

If you are raising an infant during the winter, you should only dress your child in a onesie with mittens (paws) and footies.

His feet and hands get cold, they need to be covered. Socks fall off, and are way too much work getting on and off. For us, when Dylan is pooping or fussy, he likes to paw his face with his mittens. Doesn’t that sentence sound nice? He likes to paw his face with his mittens. If he doesn’t have his mittens on, it looks like something completely different. Without mittens, it looks like he is attempting to claw his eyes out because the pain is so unbearable he just can’t take it anymore. Get mittens.

Here’s the odd thing, a onesie with mittens and footies is hard to find. Yes, some stores will have them, but ALL stores should have them. It should be the only thing being produced. People should be knee deep in onesies with mittens and footies that they have to cut them off just to see what their kid’s hands look like.

OnesieThe best? I’m glad you asked.

Kicky Pants Viscose from Bamboo Footie in Meadow Snail. It’s pricey. That’s why you register for it. It’s made from 95% Bamboo Viscose and 5% Lycra. No, I don’t know what that means. If you are wondering where the mittens are, you’re not a parent. They fold over, so you can see your child’s hand if you want to. It’s the best because of how insanely stretchy it is. It only snaps down one leg only, which means less area to snap. Once again, it’s hard to find. The current sizes on Amazon are only 3T and 4T. Our friends bought our Newborn size in San Diego.

Yes, there are sleep sacks, and wraps. I know this, but when it comes to actual clothes that you’ll take your kid out in, a onesie with mittens and footies is the only choice.

My advice, if you think you’re going to have kids in 2-3 years, start searching now.


The In-Laws Are Gone

inlawsIn a nutshell, here’s what my in-laws did for us while they were here for 3.5 weeks … everything.

My mother-in-law

  • Cooked an amazing homemade meal every single night. Seriously. Lisa and I have never eaten so good on such a consistent basis. Shrimp risotto, many chicken dishes, lobster macaroni and cheese, and four different kinds of lamb dishes, shattering our previous record of eating lamb at home (zero).
  • Brought approximately 10 dozen homemade cookies with her (they drove).
  • Would pare every meal with wine.
  • Refused to let anyone else clean up after a meal.
  • Bought me beer three different times.
  • Walked Austin (our dog) two hours every day.
  • Changed diapers.
  • Cleaned our house.
  • Cleaned out our refrigerator.
  • Would be upset if she couldn’t hold Dylan enough.
  • Let us feel like we were in charge.

My father-in-law

  • Installed a bottle opener on the wall, so I could open a bottle with one hand, holding Dylan with the other.
  • Tended to my three rose bushes to the point where I am convinced I could win a prize at the county fair if that was my thing.
  • Held Dylan at a moment’s notice, every single time.
  • Was willing to wake up at 4:30 a.m. if needed (though to be honest I think I gathered this was only about 30 minutes before his usual rising time).
  • Changed diapers.
  • Repaired our house plants.
  • Fixed our front window (we now have super awesome, professional looking, frosted glass).
  • Removed stains we’ve lived with for four years.
  • Bought us a vacuum cleaner.
  • Paid for our 1992 Dodge Spirit to be repaired.
  • Let us feel like we were in charge.
  • Built this … my very first garden.


Random Thoughts of Fatherhood: Week 6

  • Dylan peed on his face twice in one changing, and didn’t care. Yet you pull a piece of clothing over his head, and he acts like it’s the worst day of his life. He needs to get his priorities straight.
  • There is no difference between a zombie who can’t walk and my baby, except you have to replace “brains” with “milk.” The grunting noise, the rapid shaking of the head trying to find the source, and the total disregard for personal hygiene all add up to zombie. Trust me, Dylan and I should know, we’ve watched every “Waking Dead” episode together since he’s been born.
  • Dylan slept 6.5 hours straight at night once. This is supposed to be the defining, amazing moment of the past six weeks. But here’s the thing, it was during my wife’s shift. I was actually asleep during that whole stretch, and didn’t get to enjoy it at all. That’s right, my wife hogged the entire thing.
  • My wife works harder than I do with Dylan right now. There are many factors (boobs, she’s finally done with classes) … OK, I guess there are only two reasons why. It seems to me what she works the absolute hardest at is perfectly timing a completely full dirty diaper bag. That’s right. I’ve had to change out the last five bags. I shall await your heartfelt sympathy letters.
  • My in-laws have left, so it’s just Lisa, me and Swing. I was going to write “the swing” but that doesn’t seem respectful enough to the effort Swing has been giving us. He’s part of the family now, and potentially more useful than me.
  • For a second I considered getting off caffeine and alcohol when Dylan arrived. Now I realize they’ve never been so important.
  • Dylan burped and blew it in my face. Respect.
  • My kid is 22 inches tall and just pooped the distance of 53″. That’s like me pooping 15’6″. I’m using math as an adult!