I have been known to make loud, odd declarations about the path I hope to lead my son in. Sure, they seem completely pointless, except for my passion. Here is a running list of things I have said. Luckily, I don’t mind being wrong, but that doesn’t stop my friends and family reminding me of what I have said.

This is a timeline, with the most recent things I have said (or reminded that I said) at the top.

  • Some birthday or Christmas I want to give one of my children absolutely no gifts. He will have no warning or explanation of this.  This will teach them to not expect gifts and to deal with disappointment early on in life.
  • Any personality trait of a child can be changed by parenting.
  • No Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, or Tooth Fairy. Why would you lie to your child? [This will be a work in progress.]
  • I won’t care if my kid swears. In fact, I will teach him the right way to swear. You don’t swear at people, just moments and things. Plus, if my kid gets in trouble for swearing at school, he’ll know exactly how to express himself when he’s sitting in detention.
  • If my kid says, “But that’s not fair,” he loses the argument and can no longer continue his plea until he’s apologized for that annoying sentence.
  • I will teach Dylan hand signals after he is potty trained. This way, when in public, he’ll tug his ear if he has to pee, and tap his nose if he has to poop.
  • My son will not be allowed to watch a movie in the theater until he proves he can watch a movie at home, in a dark room, quietly. No room for error on this one.
  • I will not have the child who kicks the sit in front of him on an airplane.
  • My son will not play organized football in high school.

One thought on “Declarations

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